Have you ever felt that life is nothing but some bullshit?
Going through some things right now and I'm so confused and it just hearts my heart to think about this...but it stays in my head constantly.
I want to go one way but then I can't go that way because there are some road blocks. There is the other way that I can go but then that might destroy the other road. Sometimes I just wanna say f*ck it and move on but I can't because my heart just won't let me.
To think that I thought life would be easy....HA!
Today was just not my day....I swear.
I got laid off from my job because they hired a girl that worked there before and they had too many people so they decided to let me go since I was the newest addition. Pissed me the hell off....
After that were some more things that I'm not going to go into detail about. Just know that my heart is hurting and I dont know what to do. I'm so confused and it makes me crazy to think that I cant solve this problem as easy as other things. Either way I am going to end up hurting two people that I love deeply and care sooooooo much about. Shit just makes me wanna cry again. It's crazy.
I can't write ne more.....shit is just too hurtful to think about....
Just a side note: I don't blame ne one for ne thing....everything is all my fault...just like it always is...
*Just some fave pics*
Posted at 06:42 pm by Blasian
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WOW IM EVIL!! LMMFAO!!
I just had a conversation wit my God-cousin........great convo...made me feel much better.
Other women go through some heavy shit....mine is trivial....don't kno why i made a big deal about it *smile*
But yeah.....ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm this weekend!!
I had a blast....I LOVED meeting Pan and Asia and Blaxi and Fari. They are the best people ever! *smile*
we went to D&B and a club Friday night. Lots of fun....got our freak on and everything....shit was krazy!
Saturday was bowling and chillin in the hotel room....Asia left all early...didnt get a chance to hang wit her as much but hopefully she'll be back soon *smile*
I'll post pics later when I'm feelin less lazy *laugh*
Well I think thats it....im out for now *muahz*
Posted at 05:09 pm by Blasian
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I'm tired...fuck it goodnite
Posted at 12:26 am by Blasian
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Ok my dears...I have revised my poem...Hopefully it's much better than b4...but yeah.
Oh yeah...special thanx to my Ade for helpin me wit dat line *MUAZ!!*
At times I wanna fly
Other times I wanna die
You make me feel happy and you make me feel free
Then you make me feel sad; caged in unfortunately
You lift my spirit and heart higher than anyone
Then you kill my soul and destroy me, no more fun
You stimulate my mind, body and soul
Then you leave me to feel all empty and cold
You care for me so deeply one day and I feel so happy and loved
Then you hate me, despise me, all my dreams become unplugged
You change me so completely, I thought that you knew
Guess you have no idea, guess you have no clue
You confuse me with the constant changes, the constant moods
Am I just nothing to you? Like spoiled and rotten food?
I hate when your mad at me, it makes me feel all sad
Like I'm a little child who is being punished for being bad
I love you and I can't make it any clearer
Your the one for me and as I say it I feel the tears...
I love you and I'll tell the whole world my dear
Just to make sure you listen....Just to make sure you hear.....
That I love you.
Yeah I added some stuff to that lol....but it came out aight to me.
Ne way...let's see...2morrow is the first day of the Jumpoff...I'm sick but I'm gonna go because I made a promise to my cuzzo so I'ma go. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm
What else is there? Nothing much...still sick..had a slight fever earlier but I ate ice cream so I think it went down LOL..coughin less now too (YAY!!)
Um....thats it for tonight I guess...I'll write more once the weekend is over because I kno I will be busy.
MUAHZ!!
Posted at 06:38 pm by Blasian
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Ain't nuffin goin on....im still sick *sigh*
I wrote a poem this morning...I couldn't sleep and my thoughts were running around in my head so I wrote em down. This poem really REALLY sucks ass so I'm just warning you before you read it. I'll fix it sometime later but this is the rough draft.
At times I wanna fly
Other times I wanna die
You make me feel happy and free
Then you make me feel stung, like by a bee (<---part i gotta fix LOL)
You lift my spirit and heart higher then anyone
Then you kill my soul and destroy me, no more fun
You stimulate my mind, body and soul
Then you leave me to feel all empty and cold
You care for me so deep one day I feel happy and loved
Then you hate me and my dreams are unplugged
You change me so completely, I thought you knew
Guess you had no idea, guess you had no clue
You confuse me with the constant changes, the constant moods
Am I just nothing to you? Like spoiled and rotten food?
I hate when you're mad at me, it makes me all sad
Like I'm a little child who is being punished for being bad
I love you and I can't make it any clearer
You're that one for me and as I say this I feel tears
I love you and I'll tell the whole world my dear
Just to make sure that you listen...Just to make sure you hear.
Yeah it sucks ass but hey...I ain't that great a writer yet. This is what was inside me and I just wrote it down. I ain't really got much else to do ne way....*sigh* Well ne way...when I got some more stuff to report you will be the first to know so until then......adios...MUAHZ!
Posted at 05:42 am by Blasian
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sorry....just had to add a new pic....
even though we look fucked up in this pic *LMAO* I still love it...it's the only one of us together....without being in a group *sigh*
That is all :D
Posted at 06:55 pm by Blasian
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Ok people....
Im sick...I got a cold. This sucks ass....I HATE BEING SICK!!
Ne way....what's been goin on?
BabyE aka Ursula was in the hospital but she's back home and doing fine. I'm so glad because I was really worried.
I have been having a bad couple of days. No not because I'm sick but because some shit popped off that I REALLY didnt want to happen. Shit threw me for a loop and now I'm going crazy. My fuckin hands are shakin and I swear I can't sleep. Too much to go through...
This weekend is yet another DOS Jumpoff. DOS is hosting but there will be other people off DO there. I can't wait to meet half the people that are coming. I hope people let me go. My Girl *smile* said I can't go if I'm still sick....hmph.
Um...what else? Besides me being in a state of pain from my cold and my ordeal I'm good I guess. Mentally I'm fucked up, physically I'm fucked up on the inside but other than that I have no brusies or ne thing to show.
I've been listenin to this one song all week. I've been having issues with my guy and I feel really bad about it because it's all my fault. The shit I went through...I aint have enough guts to tell him what was up and now he thinks I don't trust him. I really do though. I just don't be knowin how to tell him some things. I know how he's gonna react to it and I really don't want him worrying about me like that...especially since he got his own shit to deal with @ the moment. But iI guess since I'm with him he has to worry about me huh? *sigh*
I don't want us arguing or fighting or mad. I want him to be with me yet I'm fucking it all up. I wonder if I can ever have a relationship where I don't fuck shit up. Guess my track record is HORRIBLE. But yeah..the song I been listenin to all week is Fat Joe-All I Need. It fits my mood perfectly right about now.
Well...I'm going to lay my sick ass down....even though I can't sleep, sittin here is makin me hurt worse than I am so I'm going to lay down. I don't wanna sleep though...ima have nightmares...or a cold sweat or something.....God...please forgive me for the sins I have commited....
Song of the Week-Fat Joe- All I Need
Posted at 02:57 pm by Blasian
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Yeah yeah....
I kno I've been out of it. But I'm back.
Ain't much to detail on...had my first photoshoot...that went well...i guess i'll post some pics lata...
Um...we havin anotha jumpoff Dec 10-12....gonna be on and poppin...
I got a new guy....YES AGAIN!! LMAO....but i think i mentioned him b4 in my other entry....Don't think i'ma put his name yet...too many people off DO and 360 come on hea LOL
I'll write more lata...im too tired right now :D
Yup..thats it for now...
Song of the Week would be T.I. Bring em out :D
Um.....yeah...here are pics:
Posted at 11:16 am by Blasian
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I just wanted to enter this little dedication to my bestest buddy who is going through a tuff time right now...you was there for me and I wanna be here for you but you aren't makin it very easy mister.
I feel all sad now...like im going through it all over again...it sucks when your friends are down cuz then you get down too....I'm keep tryin though...he gonna talk to me dammit!!
Oh yeah...and i changed the song of the week
The new song on the week is Dru Hill- I Love You <-----dedicated to my bestest buddi Rion :hugz:
Posted at 05:04 pm by Blasian
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welllllllllllllllllllll
The party was a hit....had LOTS of fun. Burna, Matrix, MOB, PNP, Kaye Kaye, Pwarrior and me were all there that was in DOS. Babyphat ain't show up :| but we got her next time though.
We set up for the party, got everything done just in time and everything was all good. We was in the little clubhouse downstairs, playin pool, listenin to music, laughing, joking and basically having a good time. Everybody was drinking and trust me when i say you DONT wanna see these people messed up *laugh* We took crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pictures. smh
Then we went to Buckhead to walk around because it was too late to go to a club (even though i wanted to go dancing). There were sooooo many people out there in costumes. That was funnnnnnyyyyyyy...but the funniest thing that happened was Burna almost punchin this dude out. This dude was on crack or something and was in this skeleton costume going around going "arghhhh" at people. I was walking with Burna and the nigga in the costume came up to me and all of a sudden...Burna just MUSHED the nigga **DEAD**...he was gonna punch him too but someone held him back. But it didnt matta cuz ole dude in the costume got knocked out by some otha nigga that was there. I mean ole dude was out COLD. He wasn't movin AT ALL. Nigga Burna went ova there and kicked the guy in the head....omg i was dyin. WE all slept at MOB's house cuz no one wanted to drive. It was just fun.
In other news, yesterday was my first photoshoot. YAY! *how did it go?* Glad you asked :D
The whole photoshoot was takin in a sheet...and yes I was naked under the sheet. The shots that we took should come out real hot....unless I just look retarded in the pictures...but we shall see because I'm supposed to get em tonight. I'll be back to post em too...that's all though so I'll be back laterz...
Muahz
Oh yeah...song of the week is Keyshia Cole-I changed My Mind
Posted at 01:19 pm by Blasian
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